Abide in February

She stood at the door, a little nervous. Her coat was buttoned up against the drizzle, eyes reflecting the weight of the world. “I just wanted to see your face,” she said. We spoke—briefly—of the world's heaviness: refugees, shifting alliances, tragedies that defy words. I nodded, a shiver running through me—part cold, part weight of it all.

“Strange, isn’t it?” I said, glancing back at my living room. “That when we’re inside at night, curtains drawn, it feels... safe. Almost like none of it is happening.”

“Yeah,” she agreed, “even though we know it is.”

“Let’s plan a coffee soon,” I said. She nodded. "Yeah, just a quick bakkie.** I’m passing through today, so I can’t now—but we’ll make it happen."

We laughed a bit, bouncing to lighter topics for a moment—funny things, everyday life—just enough to lift the weight before she had to go. Then, with a quick wave and a smile, she was off again, hurrying down the street.

Safe Inside, Yet the World Spins

Now its evening. I’m here on the sofa, laptop balanced on my knees. The room around me glows softly—the golden hue of the lamps reflects off the ochre curtains that shut out the night. There’s a hint of pine in the air from the diffuser on the mantel, filling the space with the comforting scent of a forest. It’s peaceful here. Safe under this roof, within these walls. And yet my mind drifts beyond them, to the chaos in the world, to the ache of so many hearts.

And then—one word settles in me: Abide.

Abide in Me.

The Invitation to Abide

Such a simple phrase. Such a deep invitation.

To abide means to remain, to stay, to dwell. It’s not rushing past or glancing briefly—it’s settling in, being present. The Greek word menō carries this richness: to continue in a fixed state, to endure, to be at home. Palmer describes it as "practical and warmly personal.... a word for anyone who simply knows how to settle into a genuine relationship and enjoy the fellowship and the view." I love that. Abiding isn’t for the spiritually elite. *

❤️ It’s for anyone willing to pause, to be still, to stay close—not occasionally, but as a constant presence, rooted in Him.

Finding Refuge in Him

Tonight, as I look around this quiet room, I think about that staying. Here, under this roof, I feel safe. How much greater, then, is the safety of abiding in Him? Not a place, but a Person. My refuge isn’t ultimately these walls or this warmth—it’s Christ.

Steven Cole shares that abiding involves three things:

1. Relating to Christ—His person and purpose.
2. Rejecting attitudes and actions that He wouldn’t share.
3. Receiving the life He offers for true fulfillment. *

It’s not always easy. The world pulls, fears creep in, and sometimes it feels like the storm is just outside the window. But then I remember what was said at church last Sunday—about Elisha’s servant, eyes opened to see the hills full of horses and chariots of fire. Those who are with us are more than those who are with them. (2 Kings 6:16) What a powerful reminder: there is more going on than we see, and we are never alone.

With Us in Trouble

Psalm 91 echoes this truth:

"I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust... Because he loves Me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges My name. He will call on Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble."

With him in trouble. Not necessarily delivering us from every hardship immediately—but abiding with us through it. That changes everything.

Learning to Stay

This month, I’ve realised how much I still have to learn about abiding. And how patient my Teacher is. The best Rabbi in the world, I whispered to myself earlier this week, heart full of gratitude. The more I lean in, the more I see: abiding isn’t about striving—it’s about staying. Staying in Him. Letting His words settle into me until they feel at home in my heart, guiding my thoughts, my prayers, my desires.

When the World Feels Too Heavy

Earlier this week, I woke up to the news notifications piling up on my phone—headlines screaming of more violence, more loss. My chest tightened: How do I hold all this? How do I pray when words fall short?

I wanted to scroll away the heaviness, to busy myself with tasks. But instead, I paused. I whispered His name—just that. Jesus, help. And then, slowly, I remembered: Abide.

Something shifted. Not that the world’s chaos changed. But something inside me settled. He is my refuge... my fortress... my God, in whom I trust. It wasn’t instant peace, but a deep breath amid the noise. A reminder: He is.

That’s the thing about abiding—it’s not always this serene, candle-lit moment. Sometimes it’s choosing to stay with Him in the middle of fear, doubt, or grief. To simply say His name with your whole confused, sorrowful heart. To trust that even when your heart trembles, His hold doesn’t loosen.

Held

Tonight, darkness rests outside.
The world spins on.

But here, in this stillness, I abide.
Not just under this roof.
In Him.

Safe.
Loved.
Held.

And so are you.

───●◎●───

*    Precept Austin

**  Bakkie (Dutch): A casual cup of coffee, often shared with a friend. In the Netherlands, saying. It is a common, friendly invitation to catch up over coffee.

Stumbling into Sunrise

I set my alarm for 7:15, full of good intentions. I’ll be in the field in time to see the sunrise, I thought.

Fast forward to this morning: me, stumbling out the door, a woolly hat with a pom-pom pulled hastily over my messy hair, my face still carrying the imprint of my pillow. -5°C. Why did I think this was a good idea?

But then—deep, warm red spilling over the horizon, like embers reigniting the sky. The kind of red that makes you forget the cold for a second.

Back home, hands wrapped around a steaming latte, I posted some photos on Insta. Found a Spurgeon quote to match—he has a way with words about nature.

Maybe someone will enjoy it. Maybe just me. Either way, the sun rose. ☀️✨

📖 "But to you who fear My name, the Sun of Righteousness shall arise with healing in His wings; and you shall go out and leap like calves from the stall."
— Malachi 4:2 

🌞 You cannot be too low, you cannot be too unworthy; the infinite mercy of God, like the infinite light of the sun, can reach you.

🌑 "Alas, I am dark." But what night was ever too dark for the sun to turn into day?
❄️ "Alas, I am cold." But what iceberg was ever too cold for the sun to melt? What winter was ever too severe for the sun to transform into summer?

🔥 Yield yourself, you icicle, yield to the sun, and it will melt you. 🌿 Yield yourself, you dead and withered branch, to that dear sunbeam waiting to kiss you now, and it will awaken life within you and warm you until you are laden with rich fruit, to the praise and glory of the Sun of Righteousness, who has risen upon you.

🙏 May the Lord grant that it be so with us all, for Jesus' sake. Amen.

Source: The Rising Sun, Charles Haddon Spurgeon

---

Do you ever wake up early to watch the sunrise? ☀️ Here, the sun rose at 7:45 this morning!

Spring is Coming, Even If I Can't See It Yet

You can’t just bike away the grief of living loss. That’s impossible. But I decided, after my conversation with the psychologist, to do something enjoyable to take my mind off all the heavy things. “Why not go to the botanical garden?” my husband suggested. I thought that was a great idea, so I hopped on my bike for a 20-kilometer ride to Wageningen.

Winter is on my head, but eternal spring is in my heart. - Victor Hugo

Oh, how peaceful it was in the garden. And that sun! Slowly, I walked along the sandy (and occasionally muddy) paths. I snapped pictures of the magnolia and cherry trees, full of buds. No leaves on the branches, just bare trees, but then, to my surprise, I spotted a small camellia bush in full bloom. What a delightful surprise! 

I walked closer, took some photos, and soaked in everything around me. There’s so much beauty to discover in winter. Even a cute robin taking a mud bath right on my path. I could barely contain my smile.

After about half an hour, I decided to take a break on a bench and enjoy a cup of coffee from the thermos I brought. I sat here last year too—I remember it well because I wrote in my journal then (and I did again now).

I now wrote: “I am sure it’s going to be beautiful. The garden will bloom again. I saw hundreds of buds on the trees, and the camellia is already blooming! Spring is coming. I expect, I hope. It’s going to be great.”

Waiting for Spring... and for God

I pondered the idea of waiting for spring, hoping for a fresh start, for something to finally leave winter behind. And as I stood there, watching the buds glisten in the sun, I thought of God, who promised to make everything new. That new spring, not just in nature, but in our hearts as well. An end to the dark culture where lies are made truth, flowers are trampled, and truth is so hard to find. Spring is coming, even though it isn’t here yet. I expect, I hope. It’s going to be great.

Just as we wait for the spring to arrive, I trust that God, who promises to make all things new, is working behind the scenes for those who wait for Him. As it says in Isaiah 64:4:
"For since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him."

I know change is coming. Spring is coming, not just in the garden, but in the culture too. And I wait for my Heavenly Father, who will make all things right, maybe not on my timeline, but someday. And what I know is that it’s worth the wait. Even if it feels like waiting for spring that never seems to arrive.

Just before I left the garden, I saw a tree full of beautiful flowers. I stopped in my tracks, forgetting everything around me, just gazing at it in awe. I picked a low-hanging branch, smelled it. Wow, what an explosion of beauty. Time was running out, though—the sun was almost gone.

I quickly snapped a few photos to show at home.

And then, it was time to leave. As the sun hung like an orange ball above the horizon, I continued on my bike. Come on, just 20 more kilometers.

Goodbye botanical garden, see you next time! Spring is coming, even though it’s not quite here yet. I expect, I hope. It’s going to be great.

From Church Hurt to Hope

The alarm buzzed. I turned it off and rolled over, savoring the warmth of my bed. Big mistake. Before I knew it, I’d overslept. At 9 a.m., I sprinted downstairs, threw together some breakfast, and remembered my plan: I was finally going to church today.

Why was this a big deal? Well, buckle up, because it’s been a journey.

A Year of Church Drama

Back in 2023, my church split. Not in a “let’s amicably part ways” kind of split, but the painful kind, with leadership disputes and theological shifts. I stuck around for a year, hoping for resolution. But when it became clear there’d be no elders appointed, and the leadership steered the church in a direction I couldn’t follow, I made the tough decision to leave.

Let me tell you, it hurt. First, the split, and then realizing I didn’t belong anymore. It was like losing family twice. I resolved to give myself space to heal—no rushing into a new church. Maybe by summer, I thought.

Spoiler alert: summer came and went, and I still hadn’t found a new church. I’d visited a few places, like the local Messianic congregation. It was lovely until they started dancing and suggested we Gentile believers were part of Israel’s lost tribes. That was my cue to exit.

Next stop: a Free Evangelical Church. It started promisingly, with a prayer for unity. But then came the reason for the prayer—group cliques and division. Post-split trauma déjà vu. To top it off, the pastor dramatically lay on the ground during the sermon to demonstrate worship. I don’t remember his message, just the awkward question in my head: “How is this guy getting back up?”

The Morning That Almost Didn't Happen

After all that, I stayed home for weeks. But today, I was determined. Even though I overslept, I pushed through. I dressed, scraped the frost off my car, and headed to the next church on my list. With low expectations, I walked in.

And it was like stepping into an oasis.

A Church That Felt Like Home

The meeting room in the community center was full—simple but buzzing with life—100 to 150 people, all generations present. I slipped into a seat near the back, observing. I saw women with head coverings and others without—just like me. There was such variety in clothing styles, plenty of kids running around... A man, who turned out to be an elder, began to explain Matthew 16:13 with clarity and depth. This church didn’t stream services online, so I scribbled notes furiously, savoring every word.

And then came the highlight: communion.

This was what I’d been craving—a clear, heartfelt explanation of Scripture and the chance to celebrate the Lord’s Supper together. Before communion, the elder read passages from Ephesians 1 and 2. Would you believe it? I’ve been studying those very chapters recently. It felt like God had aligned everything perfectly.

The sermon, titled "Who Do You Say I Am?", swept away my doubts. I reaffirmed my faith in Jesus, and for the first time in ages, everything felt right. No fear, no anxiety—just peace.

A New Beginning

After the service, there was coffee. I mingled and discovered a few familiar faces—others from my previous church who had found their way here before me. It felt like confirmation that this might be a place to settle.

Here’s my notebook with sermon notes. I scribbled them quickly, so it’s a bit messy!

Now, It is evening and I’am sitting in my chair. It is dark outside. But inside, it’s anything but dark. I feel joy, peace, and gratitude.

Looking Ahead

After a year of wandering, I think I’ve found a church where I can let my little light shine. I’ll keep attending for a few months, praying and discerning. Who knows? Maybe this is the place where I can truly belong again.

One thing’s for sure: I’m thankful for today. For a God who never lets go and for a church that feels like hope

Biking to the Woods to Escape the Flu

My husband has the flu. I suspect it’s that strange new variant: human metapneumovirus (HMPV). He’s coughing, sneezing, and, most notably, dealing with a runny nose. It’s no fun. He’s afraid of contaminating me, and I get it—who wants to share that kind of joy? 

🤒 So, he keeps saying, “Don’t come too close,” which, honestly, gives me a little extra motivation to head out into nature. 

Abiding in Nature

Today, I biked through the mist to the woods, parked my bike, and oh, how wonderful it was to be back in the forest! It was a dewdrop celebration, a spider's paradise, a webbed wonderland. Without the wind, everything was still. The air was quiet, almost sacred, and I felt, in those moments, that I was abiding in God’s creation, surrounded by His peace.

Slow Down and Abide

I heard a woodpecker high in a tree and, when I stopped to look up, I saw him—too far away for a good photo, but still a beautiful moment. I walked slowly—very slowly—because, sometimes, you see more when you take your time. And no, I wasn’t having any spiritual revelations, I was simply present, breathing deeply the forest air, abiding in the stillness of the moment.

Noticing the Small Things

The scent of the forest was earthy, with a hint of coppery beech leaves and oak. Some freshly cut logs were scattered along the path, their peculiar smell mingling with the rest. It’s not exactly pleasant, but somehow it fit perfectly in the mix of aromas. As I paused for a coffee break, I realized how often we miss the beauty of small details when we rush through life. 

But today, I chose to abide in the moment, noticing even the tiniest of joys, like the droplets on a birch sapling and the spider sitting proudly in its web.

💧🕸️🕷️

A Rest for the Soul

Was this walk enough to keep the flu at bay? I hope so! I’ve just started to regain my energy after having COVID in February 2024, and the quiet rhythm of walking, breathing, and abiding was the perfect antidote for my soul.

Quote Corrie ten Boom

Back home, I wrapped myself in an electric blanket and reviewed my photos. The mist added a unique, almost magical vibe to everything. As I scrolled through my photos, I stumbled upon a quote about mist from Corrie ten Boom:

“Faith is like radar that sees through the fog. By God’s grace, we see by faith the reality of things at a distance that the human eye cannot see.”

Abiding in Faith Through the Fog

This quote struck me deeply, reminding me that abiding in faith, even through the fog of life, opens our eyes to God’s reality beyond what we can see. It inspired me to share a little post on Instagram, and I’ll share it here too:

👀 I shared the Instagram post under the photo

🌫️ Walking through the misty woods, I’m reminded of Corrie ten Boom’s words: ‘Faith is like radar that sees through the fog.’ When I feel lost in life’s haze, I lift my eyes to Jesus. His love surrounds me, and by grace, I know I’ll never fall out of His hand.

👀 “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” – 2 Corinthians 5:7

👀 “Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus.” – Hebrews 12:1-2

😞 Have you had the flu yet this season?
😍I’d love to hear your tips or a testimony about abiding in the Lord, especially as I reflect on my One Word for the year: 'Abide.'