Spring where you least expect it

When you're there, you smell it right away. I was standing on a muddy path in the middle of the forest, sniffing the air like a bunny in the grass. Can you smell it too? Just step outside, now!

The scent of spring!
I could smell spring, and its fragrance subtly floated among the trees. Oh, how I love spring; the time when the world seems to come back to life, and the sun's rays awaken nature from its winter sleep.

🌷 It's almost, almost spring.

Birds in the forest
I spotted three great tits hopping from branch to branch. When I grabbed my camera, they chirped as if to say: "Sorry, ma'am, we're too busy building our nest, no time to pose!" And off they flew deeper into the woods. Meanwhile, on the other side of the path, a robin sang its vibrant song, marking its territory. It stayed put but gave me a disgruntled look.

Despite the gray day, the thought of spring approaching filled me with joy. You know: blossoms on trees, bees in flowers.

I wandered up the sandy path, and my footsteps echoed loudly on the loose stones in the rain track: with each step: crunch, crunch. Then I saw the tree... time for a break.

From my diary: February 15

I'm sitting on the Elsterkop, halfway up the slope, and I'm not alone. A bit further, someone is getting a mountain bike lesson. I also see a man sitting on a bench; is he old or young? I can't tell... too far away. Wow, a big bumblebee almost lands on my notebook... now it really feels like spring.

The athletes lively discuss mountain bike braking techniques. The man on the bench gets up and slowly walks down the path, hat in hand. I take a photo of him to capture the mood. I also take a photo of the tree trunk I'm leaning against. Far above my head, I see the words: God Loves You

I reflect on my many, many walks. I feel so blessed, just to be able to walk. Walking takes time, but moving gives me energy and creativity, should do it more often. It makes you a nicer person. A few more sips of coffee and I'll continue.

Sitting as low as I am now - on a tree stump - I see droplets on the twigs of the heather bush. I know when I stand up, they'll be gone. It all depends on how you look at things. From above or from below. I take out my phone and snap a photo of a droplet. Whether it turned out well, I'll see at home.

 

The droplet photo 👆 

Season of loss
From above or from below. It depends on how you view things. I describe the season I'm in as a season of loss... or a personal winter where everything continues while I seem to stand still.

Loss comes in many forms. Some losses catch us off guard and knock the wind out of us. Others follow long periods of suffering and waiting. Sometimes we face the death of a loved one, and other times we may lose our health, independence, home, or church. Loss can cause physical pain and plunge us into spiritual depression. - Gretchen Saffles

God surprised me
Yes, the pain is there, the confusion, the sadness, but also beautiful moments of prayer and surrender. I would never consciously choose this season, but it's precisely now that He helps me to deepen my roots in His Word and presence. In this season of loss, God surprises me with His gifts.

Spring where you least expect it
Standing with both feet in the mud of life and yet, I cherish the thought that spring can appear anywhere, especially where you least expect it, in the dark corners of your life.

😍 That makes me happy.

Kneeling for a photo
On my way back from my walk, I see a cluster of crocuses by the path. Even better: just then, the sun breaks through with spring warmth. I kneel down to take photos, not one, not two, but a whole bunch of pictures I want to have. So happy with this moment.

Dear Lord, grant our souls a spring,

Thou know’st our winter has been long;

Shine forth, and warm our hearts to sing,

And thy rich grace shall be our song.

🌷 Wat flowers did you see in your neighborhood?

💜 My crocus blog

Will the sun shine again?

And there I go again. I saw on the weather app that the sun was shining, so off to the woods! 

But I feel so awful, I initially protested, imagining what if I fall ill in the forest, lying there somewhere. Come on, you know it's not like that. #selftalk

As I walk into the woods, it starts to rain gently. Well, let it rain, let it be winter, because it is! I think of the book I bought last month: 'Wintering'. How many times I whispered, "Oh really, you too?"

I am a swirling wreck of uncertainty, my thoughts shoot off like branching paths in all directions, and I'm afraid my head is about to overflow. That lump of ideas remains stuck in my throat, refusing to come out so I can put them on paper. The only thing I can do is walk. I have nothing else. Katharine May

No perfect picture.
The only thing I can do is walk. I capture a random picture because I don't feel like getting down on my knees for the perfect shot.

... And then I spot a patch of blue sky calling out to me: "this way, this way!" 

• Mud? No problem, I trudge through it.
• Downpour? Also fine, let it pour.

Stay on your feet

In the woods, life doesn't ask much of me, just: "Watch where you're walking, lean on your stick, stay on your feet." And thus, I escape my overthinking.

Green and ugly brown
Along the way, I find a twig with a mix of lively green and ugly brown, and that's exactly how I feel. I hold my breath: please, don't let the brown dominate! I take 4 photos to capture this image - to think about later - and place the twig back on the fallen tree.

I strongly feel that I've let stress build up so much that it's been nibbling at me, and I should have asked for help sooner. But stress is also something shameful, an admission that I can't handle pressure. Secretly, I'm glad I'm struggling with physical pain. Rather than the vaguer feeling of being crushed. Katherine May

While raising children and writing books, time has flown by so quickly that I no longer have a clear picture of it. Not that the passing years are entirely blank, but they are muddled, strangely devoid of meaning, except for the clawing awareness of survival. Katherine May

Does that define who I am?
My piece of blue sky disappears, and it's now raining heavily. I catch drops in my hand and wash my cheeks with them... indirectly also my brain: is it really that bad if some of my plans fail, if I'm not achieving victories right now, if the book I so eagerly want to write only exists in my dreams?

Does that define who I am?

Neuh (nah)

Look at me now, I've worked so long and hard that I've made myself sick. And worst of all, I've almost forgotten how to rest. I constantly feel rushed. I'm convinced everything is important and that I'm falling short all the time. And my home - my beloved home - has become one big mess, where everything is slowly collapsing and breaking and worn out. I stand powerless against it. Katherine May

The sun!

Slogging down through the heath, and when I'm almost there, the rain stops. The brown heath glows like gold. Still, the sun! I see a nice spot to have coffee by the tree

👇 (see collage)

... and as I drink my coffee, I think about how nice it is to just "be" and softly pray, even if I don't find the most beautiful words today. It's just enough. And: the sun will definitely shine again

More than a name
Katherine May writes in her book 'Wintering': God has always been a name we whisper. I add to it for myself with a quote (once saved on my iPhone) 

In uncertain times, there is a reliable anchor: trust in the Name of the LORD. Why is His Name so reassuring? It is the "I AM," confirming His own existence. A strong foundation to lean on. People fail, but He, the "I AM," is always alive. Even when everything seems dark, He says: "I am here." His name promises immutability. He remains "the same yesterday, today, and forever" (Hebrews 13:8). Trust in this unchanging God, whose love, faithfulness, and strength are steadfast. It's a reassuring anchor, even when it's winter in your life. Source: Spurgeon and a bit of me

I pass on that Name through blogging: Immanuel!

 “We must learn to invite winter in. We may never choose to winter, but we can choose how.”

---- 

I walked in the area of  the Elsterberg or Elsterkop. It's a hill in the municipality of Rhenen in the Dutch province of Utrecht. The hill is located north of Elst and east of Amerongen, and is part of the Utrechtse Heuvelrug ridge. The hill is 62.5 meters high. On the south slope of the Elsterberg, there are several burial mounds. 🚶‍♂️🌳

Linked to: Paula's Sweet Tea & Friends Link Up

Who says gray heather isn't beautiful?

Sitting on the bench, my mind drifts to a previous stroll. I followed a narrow path through the expansive heathland, pondering: why does the heather bloom only once? Why not every month? It looks so dull now.

Look, gray heather 👇

The Heather Cycle
But after some research on heather plants, I realized it's unfair to always expect blossoms. Heather has a life cycle synchronized with the seasons. First, it prepares for bloom, then it flourishes, produces seeds, takes a nap, and gears up for a new bloom.

Who Says Gray Heather Isn't Beautiful?
As I sit by a small heath field, the sun surprisingly breaks through, casting a golden glow over the pine trees. The heather is a shimmering spectacle! Who says gray heather isn't beautiful?

From My Diary
November 22

Garlands and Thoughts

Garlands with white pearls dangle from branch to branch: spiderweb threads with droplets. The wind gently blows through. It's like a party on the heath.

Who cares for the heath in its resting season? Who inspired me to take a walk? Who orchestrated this exact moment? Who grants me the ability to enjoy the sun, wind, and the sparkle of spiderweb threads? I look up: my God and Father.

End of diary excerpt

Capturing Glimmers and an Encounter
'Capture the glimmers!' whispers my camera. I grab my camera, but it's not cooperating; it looks more like a cold winter scene. A man strolls by, and his dog barks as if I committed a crime.

"Back in the day," the man says, "there was a path through the heath leading down. I'm going to see if I can find it."

Where's the Old Path?
Off he goes. I watch him until he becomes a tiny dot. His dog stops barking, and I see the man bending down to pick up the pup in his arms. Thus, he wrestles through the tall heather bushes downward. The path is overgrown. There's simply no path anymore. Or is there?

Eyes Closed, Listening
I'm 'glued' to the bench. It's better for my knee to take a real 15-minute break, so I close my eyes. Behind me, a titmouse chirps in the woods, and a finch. I also hear a leaf falling, and another... soft taps; as if it's raining. Whisper-soft.

Lesson from the Heather
When I open my eyes, the gray heather is still sparkling. It teaches me a lesson. Listen to what it says:

I, the heather...

💜 ... need rest to rejuvenate. So do you.
💜 ... need a gray season to find myself again. So do you.
💜 ... will bloom again. So will you.

From Gray to Glitter
And that glimmer? That's where I see my God. He brightens up my gray heath with unexpected encounters, the beauty of nature, the love of my husband, or His own promises. Yes: from gray to glitter.

Moving On
Refreshed, I rise from the bench and make my way downhill. Where no path seemed to be, there is a path.

"I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape – the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show." - Andrew Wyeth

🍂✨ What small (autumn) moment in nature has taught you a lesson?

Embracing the Beauty of the Mundane

About this forest stroll, I write nothing. I carefully spread my mat over the fallen tree trunk and take a seat. I write nothing because nothing out of the ordinary crosses my path.

Yet, should I write?
But today, I defy that notion. I write nonetheless. What was so special that compelled me to pick up my pen now?

From My Diary:
September 15

Just ten minutes ago, I was lying flat on the ground, taking photos (of a mushroom). Imagine if someone had seen me! They might have dialed 112 for help, like, "There's a woman in the forest!" Haha, but now it's break time. I have to 'wait for two trees' before continuing, which means the sun has to pass behind two spruces before I resume. I do this to give my knees a little more rest because they still ache. I sip coffee from my thermos and read a devotion. Today, it's about Haman and Mordechai from the book of Esther: Humble Faithfulness.

Can it be this simple? "Be faithful in the small things; He sees it!" I read it again and again. It feels like I've made a wonderful discovery. The sun slowly rises behind the trees. My break is over, and I feel content with what I read.

End of Diary Page

🌲 ... the pine trees in front of me (with the sun behind my finger)

Twinkle, Twinkle...
Have you ever walked on wet grass in the early morning? As the sun rises, dewdrops turn into - twinkle, twinkle - little stars. Each blade of grass becomes a work of art! When I read the devotion, something similar happened inside me. The ordinary became extraordinary in the light of God shining upon it.

What I Read 📖📱

The simplicity and plainness of Mordechai's life in just one sentence: "So Mordechai went back to the king's gate" (Esther 6:12). Mordechai didn't trumpet his own achievements, as Haman did when he returned from Queen Esther's first banquet (5:11-12). Although he was paraded through the city unexpectedly, he simply returned to his usual place.

There's something appealing about humble faithfulness: just doing what we do day in and day out, not seeking praise but because it's the right thing to do. It may not seem like much at the time, but when children and grandchildren look back on the lives of their faithful parents and grandparents, they often say things like, "She always did this," "He always sat there," "She always prayed there," or "His Bible was always here."

Mordechai did what was right because it was right, not for recognition. Today, let it be enough that you do what is right in the eyes of God, whether you are honored by those around you, like Mordechai, or quickly forgotten like many faithful believers throughout history. One day, all things will fall into place, and honor will be given where it's due. In the meantime, set aside any desire for personal recognition and continue with your daily routine with faithfulness and humility.

~~<><><><>~~

The Sun Rises Over the Ordinary
Do you see the sun rising over the simplicity and plainness of your life? I saw it, and that's why I decided to write about that ordinary walk today, even though it's been over a week. Because it's not about the big things.

God Sees It
I can be who I am in the simplicity and plainness of my life. Being faithful in the small things, knowing my God notices. He sees it.

Contentment in all circumstances is a great art, a spiritual secret. It must be learned, and learned as a secret. You don't attain it through a mathematical formula or the alignment of ideal circumstances. And if our journey to contentment is a work of art, God Himself is the Artist. Jeremiah Burroughs, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment

Rainy Day Today
Today, I'm wrapping up this little blog post. I wrote it in three stages. Right now, I don't see twinkle-twinkle stars; instead, rain is streaking down my writing room window. But I still picked up my pen to share who God is to me and for all my brothers and sisters worldwide in our ordinary everyday lives.

☀️🌙🌸 Spurgeon puts it beautifully:

As the sun is to the day,

As the moon is to the night,

As the dew is to the flower,

— so is Jesus Christ to us!

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. I have prayed for you so that your faith may not waver. Do not be afraid. I am here, do not be dismayed. I am your Shield and your exceedingly great Reward." C.H. Spurgeon from: A Cure for Care

🌞💎 The simplicity of life shines like a diamond when awakened by God's smile

Do you feel the same way?
That some ordinary moments, once taken for granted, now hold more value in your memories?

Where's my walking stick?

There is my bike! I feel relief now that I'm finally back after my forest walk in the sticky heat. Quickly, I put my backpack in my bike bag. But then, I startle.

😱 My walking stick is gone. Where is it, and will I find it again?

I don't know where I left my walking stick.

I look around indecisively, trying to remember where I left it. I can't recall. One thing I do know: I had it with me when I entered the forest.

Suspiciously, I glance at the man coming out of the woods. Does he have my stick? No, his walking stick has a different color. I trudge back into the forest. Not fun! You should know that Prattenburg Hill is about 53 meters high, and I'm climbing it for the second time in one hour. My muscles protest.

😱 Where is my walking stick?

Don't fall without the stick ⚠️

When I'm nearly at the top, I suddenly remember that I left it at the bottom of the hill by the picnic bench while taking pictures of the grass. Duh! I hauled myself up the hill for nothing. I turn around and walk down along the gravel path with flushed cheeks. A few pebbles roll beneath my feet; I twist my ankle a bit.

Don't fall without the stick...

I think it will be alright. Just a few more steps... yes, I see it! I trudge through the wet grass to the picnic bench, grab my stick, and triumphantly raise it in the air.

From my diary
September 4th

When I shared my story about my walking stick, J said, 'Typical you (forgetting things) and it fits exactly with what God taught you." I thought, huh, is that so? But now that I'm writing in my diary, I know he's right. Today, I forgot my walking stick because of my focus on the beauty in the grass. But you can also forget things (or people) because you're too focused on the difficult things. That's what I've been doing in recent weeks. I couldn't see a way out ... It seemed hopeless, but I forgot that the Lord in new difficult situations is the same God as before. While reading a Christian blog, God surprised me with the question: 'Do you not remember?' [1] He opened my eyes to Himself again. I had counted Him out. That's what J. meant when he said, 'Typical you and exactly what God taught you.'

I often don't understand the bigger picture. But God does, and He wants me to remember that He keeps His promises, and I can trust Him when I can't figure things out myself.

My Walking Stick is my walking - BFF

🙈 Seriously, I have a tendency to forget things quite often. I forgot my sitting pad three times. Someone in Putten and someone in Veenendaal is probably enjoying them now. [2] The other one stayed in our vacation home. Well, they're not expensive, so we bought a new one. (well, if I'm completely honest, J. even bought two of them, just in case I'd forget one again). 

But forgetting my walking stick? That's a whole different story! I've had this for just a few months, it wasn't cheap, and honestly, it's my walking-BFF! [3]

💪 Extra stability on forest paths
😌 Reduces strain on my pelvis
📸 Helps me get up after photo adventures
🥋 Self-defense: scary people and animals
🕸️ Spiderweb removal aid

~~<><><><>~~

God is more than a tool

J. made some comparisons between my walking stick and 'sticks in the Bible,' like Moses'. You know, when God asks, 'What is in your hand?' [4] But that didn't quite fit because it wasn't a stick in Moses' hand but a staff. And I thought, God is not a passive tool for me. Yes, He provides stability and hope and helps me clear the cobwebs in my thoughts - those are definitely things He does. But I long for Him more than for His actions. That's why I carry a pang of regret for momentarily losing sight of Him. Yet, He found me.

Hallelujah 🙏✨🔥

"The only thing faster than the speed of thought is the speed of forgetfulness. Good thing we have other people to help us remember." — Vera Nazarian

😄🧠 What's the most remarkable thing you've ever forgotten and later remembered?

[1] Remembering, Donna from Serenity in Suffering

[2] Putten and Veenendaal are villages in The Netherlands

[3] Walking - BFF = Most Dutch people understand this English abbreviation "BFF," but older Dutch people do not.

[4] What Is In Your Hand? 💡 (Our Daily Bread)

Worried "angsthaas" searching for glimmers of light

Oh no, that really gives me a stomach ache! With a quick movement, I click away from the blog post. [1] My goal was simple: find the quote. As I scrolled through my posts, the echo of the past caught up with me. 

Coffee and Tear-off Calendar
I get up and walk downstairs to get some coffee. The smell alone perks me up. With a full mug, I pause by my tear-off calendar. Forgotten... It's already Tuesday! [2] I tear off the top sheet with my free hand

Let's see what's on it 👇

 

Don't fixate on the gray clouds, but search for a glimmer of light among them. Source: unknown

My darkness was there every day (2011)
OK, a matter of mindset, right? I search for "beautiful things" every new day and discover a hundred thousand lights in the wonder of the ordinary. But 11 years ago, I couldn't do that at all. I just read about it, and it gave me a pang in my stomach. Back then, I longed for light, but my darkness was there every day.

~~<><><><>~~

No need to doll yourself up
Do you also find it difficult to stay positive when you're in the midst of misery? I was there. And it's okay: the dark emotions. I even think they must exist because how else can you process reality and get closer to yourself? You don't need to doll yourself up and desperately search for bright spots.

💔 How raw it is

I needed people who would sit next to me without saying anything. And the next day, and the day after that too. That would have been nice. I remember those who did that.

Pfff... serious talk!

~~<><><><>~~

Saw those in real life!
Back to a slightly lighter setting. Speaking of glimmers of light: I saw those in real life during my walk. The sun kept peeking through the clouds. I wrote about it in my diary.

From my diary
Monday, August 28th

My hands feel cold and stiff. It's chilly... autumn is coming! I feel it deep in my fingers' bones... I see the gray sky open up before my eyes: look, there's a big streak of sky blue. But the clouds are still there, hanging low above the tops of the pine trees in the distance, and above my head too.

Is rain coming? My app says no. I double-checked before I left. Yep, always, always want to cover my bases for what's coming. Too bad, because that doesn't work. The weather is so unpredictable, and so is life. God knows the present and sees my future. Is that enough for me? Yes.

My vacation is over. I'm eager to start, but at the same time, I'm dreading it. I can already see trouble brewing. What if...  Oh no, I don't want to think like that. Blow away, you thoughts!

End of diary page

An overanxious "angsthaas"

Now I'm back in my writing room. I smile as I read my diary snippet. The gray clouds didn't bring a drop of rain! I call myself an overanxious scaredy-cat (angsthaas in Dutch). Someone once whispered in my ear: more women have that. That's why I share a quote I read last week. This one helped me let my unpleasant thoughts blow away with the wind this morning.

Quote by Martyn Lloyd Jones:

The problems of tomorrow will come, but then it will already be tomorrow and not today. If you want to walk through life without shortchanging yourself and being anxious, which might affect your health and nerves, these are the main rules: don't carry the day of yesterday or the day of tomorrow with you; live for today; for the twelve hours that this day holds. Realize that the God who helps you today will still be the same God tomorrow and will help you tomorrow too. Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Leave everything to Him, trust Him, be assured that He will always go ahead of you, as the Bible says. Go to Him, and you'll see that He's already there, that He knows everything, and also everything about you. Source: Sermons on the Mount, Martyn Lloyd Jones

~~<><><><>~~

Live for today
I'm trying. That's how I find glimmers of light among the gray clouds. Look what I saw during my walk!

Twice a bit of beauty (glimmers of light)

1. droplets on the late-summer grass: -- no application yet, do you know? --
2. yellow heart on scorched earth: God gives beauty instead of ashes [3]

Writing helps!
I started my blog post with "as I scrolled through my posts, the echo of the past caught up with me." The echo has faded away, and my stomach ache is gone. Do you also find that it helps to write things down?

💬 Or are you more of a talker?

~~<><><><>~~

💞 What do you think of my tear-off calendar quote? Aha! or huh?
🌞 What are the glimmers of light in the gray of your life?

[1] An old closed-off blog that I maintained for family and friends when we were going through a difficult period as a family around 2011 when our sixteen-year-old son was admitted to various institutions and eventually into a youth detention center.
[2] I wrote this blog post in bits and pieces. Now that I'm finishing this translation, it's already Friday.
[3] In Dutch a standing expression for a frightened person is "angsthaas", or "scared hare". What is the best English name for it/
[4] I wrote about the heath fire in June: Observing the scorched heath.

If you spot any errors in my text regarding English grammar or words that are incorrectly translated because there should be a different English term, would you be so kind as to let me know?

How I love 💗 Grace & Truth Linkup and the Sweet Tea & Friends Link Party

Look at the purple flowers!

I'm so happy walking around here. The birds are oddly quiet. It gives this unique vibe in the forest, like nature's holding its breath. I do miss the chirping, but I get it, birds need their peace during molting 'cause it takes so much energy. They're just finding a hideout (and chilling). [1]

Letting the Imagination Run Wild
It's kinda like going through the menopause, I realize. Sometimes you just don't have the energy to be all cheerful. I chuckle because my imagination is going wild again, and I snap a pic of my shadow on the forest path. Hey there, it's me... Not molting. But I've already come a long way through my menopause, you know?"

Sighing Trees
Now I'm passing through this sad part of the woods. Climate change is causing a massive die-off of larch and spruce trees. Like way back, the apostle Paul said creation groans in birth pains, well, I'm groaning a bit too as I walk through here. It looks so gloomy. I glance up at the blue sky. When will He make all things new? That's when Earth will be truly beautiful. More amazing than I can imagine.

I've Sighed Too
A couple of weeks ago, I was sighing too. I couldn't see a way forward. Lisa Elliot wrote in her blog: "We all have a limit. And I reached mine. Not for the first time in my life. I felt emotionally, mentally, and spiritually drained." [2] Her words hit me 'cause they perfectly summed up how awful I felt. I'm thinking back to that as I walk past these dead trees.

From My Diary:
July 31

Lately, I've been having these dark thoughts. Just saw the photo of Mom and Dad on the wall, and a bunch more pics of people who've passed away. I'm crying over the imperfection, over life being "a sigh," grieving losses... (in my diary, I mention names and stuff). I can't see beauty; I feel drained. But...

 
(Continue below the photo)

💖 But... Mandy's blog comforted me. [3] She wrote,

"God is waiting for you, to take you in His arms, to recharge you, restore you, and refresh you with His Holy Spirit. Sometimes He does it like a fast charger, in rapid time. But more often, He takes His time with you, sets you apart, and fills you with His Holiness. It might feel like it takes forever, but He's got you and wants to have you with Him in Eternity."

God knows about me. He sees how exhausted I feel, and all I have to do is to be His child.

End of my Diary Page

~~<><><><>~~

Yep, yep, yep, it's blooming still!
I leave the sighing spruces far behind and head toward the heath. Thanks to God, a few weeks of rest, my hubby's love, a talk with the therapist... I'm feeling resilient again and way happier. Plus... being in nature is just awesome! I keep coming back to the heath to check if it's still blooming. And every time, I'm almost dancing as I say: yep, yep, yep, it's still in bloom.

💜 I can already see my bench.

If Jesus Sat Beside Me, What'd...
I drop my backpack and walking stick and take a seat. This is my spot for reading, letting-go-of-everything spot, savoring spot, meeting spot. And I think: if Jesus sat next to me on this bench, what would He say? He'd probably point to the heath and say:

Look at those purple flowers. They don't toil or worry about their existence. Even Solomon, with all his splendor, can't match their beauty. Why are you so anxious? Let go. Your Heavenly Father knows what you need. If He cares this much for these heath plants—every summer, He calls them back from death to life—how much more will He care for your immortal soul and your mortal body?

Preaching to Myself
Alright, so Jesus isn't sitting right next to me on this bench, that's for sure. But you know what's so nice? He left us His words, and I'm giving myself a good dose of that Good News. I've had moments when I'm just plain worn out, and days when I'm wrestling with some serious doubt. But here's the thing: if He's putting so much effort into making that field look stunning every single summer, can't I trust that He's more than capable of looking out for me too?

💜💜💜

Loving This Warm Light
As I head back to my bike, I'm completely focused on the beautiful trees around me. Fortunately, the world isn't all dead spruces. Sunlight makes its way to the forest floor. In August, those sunbeams seem to have a velvety glow; I wish I could hold onto it all day: sun gold! [4] And as a bonus, I spot an amazing spider web hanging between the trees. I walk through a deep layer of old leaves to get there and snap a photo.

“When summer gathers up her robes of glory, and like a dream of beauty glides away.”
— Sarah Helen Whitman

✨ I wanted to capture the web's sparkle. Did I succeed?

Quote from Elyse F.
I'm wrapping up my blog post with a quote to encourage my fellow Christian "sisters":

Let the counsel of Jesus penetrate deep into your hopeless heart, take root, and grow into complete trust: "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27) "Whoever believes in Me will live, even though they die" (John 11:25). Yeah, it might look gloomy, but joy comes in the morning, with the break of day. Source: Home, Elyse Fitzpatrick [5]

~~<><><><>~~

[1] Moulting Birds
[2] Lisa Eliott: The well that never runs dry (lees het)
[3] Mandy's blog: Zoete Genade
[4] During August, the sun is positioned lower in the sky. Its rays have to traverse a greater expanse of atmosphere before reaching our eyes. This leads to a greater scattering of light, giving it a softer quality.
[5] Book: Home, how heaven and the new earth satisfy our deepest longing

🚶‍♀️🌳 Have you ever gone for a walk in August? Your experience? 

🌲😢 Seen dead trees due to drought? What did you feel?

Linked to: One Word 2023 August Linkup (my One Word is healthy)

You know what? I Let Go

TIRED OF MEDICATION
Early May

Got it, found my phone. Huh, it's already this late! I drag myself up in bed. Everything turns gray for a moment, and my ears start buzzing. Then the pink flowers on my bedroom wallpaper come back into focus. Now get out of bed! I don't feel like it. My new medication makes me so tired.

🙏 'Please, God, help me!' I pray, 'help me get through this day!'

CHILLING IN NATURE: Thank you Lord

Voice memo, May 16

Here I am, surrounded by the beauty of the forest. My backpack leans against a tree trunk, the thermos with coffee sits in the moss. It's absolutely delightful to be back here. I still feel pretty tired, but this morning I told myself, "Come on, let's do this." Now I feel the wind on my skin and see the sunlight shifting across the moss. I lean forward and touch it: wow, it feels rougher than I thought. Deep sigh. Another sigh, and then silence. Okay, I won't walk to my favorite wooden bench under the beech tree (5 kilometers away). I accept that I can't do that and simply enjoy what I can do. Sitting here and breathing in the scent of the forest. What a beautiful bonus. Thank You, Lord.

🎙️ End of voice memo

"The forest is quiet; even when it whispers, it's still quiet. Because the trees, even when they're closely packed, adhere to something that humans, despite the promises they make to each other, so rarely adhere to: it stays between us." Søren Kierkegaard

LIVING WITH SIDE EFFECTS: Seeking balance 

May 25

Over 7 days have passed! It took a long time for the side effects to subside (or rather, for me to cope with them). During the first few weeks, I didn't dare to drive a car and skipped the Sunday gatherings. The worst part for me was the slowness in my thinking and the feeling of dullness. I still find it quite inconvenient.

HOPE IN DIFFICULT TIMES: Praying at Bethesda 

"Praying at Bethesda" helps. What a beautiful book! In Chapter 1, Joni E. writes about the dark time she went through after an accident and while being hospitalized.

I quote:

"I desperately wanted to cry. Instead, I suppressed my tears and comforted myself with one of those classic hymns: 'Pass me not, O gentle Savior, Hear my humble cry, While on others Thou art calling, do not pass me by.' As I sang those words or softly hummed the melody in the silent night of my hospital room, I always thought of the pool of Bethesda in the Book of John 5. When friends visited me in the hospital, I often asked them to read that passage. John tells the story of a man who had been lying by the pool of Bethesda for 38 years. And then it says that Jesus saw him lying there and knew 'how long he had been in that condition.' In my imagination, I was lying there too, seeing Him standing by the pool while the disciples wondered why He lingered and didn't just walk to the temple. And then I would call out to Him and beg Him not to pass me by, not to ignore me: 'Lord Jesus, here I am! Please, don't pass me by! Heal me, please! Help me, please. Don't leave me lying here!'

In reality, Jesus had seen me all along, even though I didn't understand that at the time. He knew me. He knew my fear, my sorrow, my despair, my desires, and my immeasurable needs. And He didn't pass me by. Throughout all those years, He never passed me by. And He will never pass me by, for all eternity. The fact that I was lying by the pool of Bethesda was, of course, only in my imagination. But Jesus' unceasing 'watchcare' and His compassion are not imagination." Source: Praying at Bethesda, Joni Eareckson Tada

📝 End of quote 

🎧 "Pass me not": see video below

😍 Beautiful (this comforted me):

"In reality, Jesus had seen me all along, even though I didn't understand that at the time. He knew me. He knew my fear, my sorrow, my despair, my desires, and my immeasurable needs. And He didn't pass me by. Throughout all those years, He never passed me by. And He will never pass me by, for all eternity."

LET GO AND LIVE: Vulnerability and God's love 

This little book helped me put everything back in its place inside me. It also helped me embrace my vulnerability. Joni feels like a wise big sister, with a wealth of experience, bringing me closer to God. 

Beside Bethesda, Joni Eareckson Tada (video)

May 26

I'm going to wrap up my blog now. Today, I planted my two lilies in the garden. They outgrew their pots. It was such a lovely moment with the sun on my face, my hands in the soil, and mama robin very close by.

"Distract your thoughts, look down at the lily, and stop staring at your worries. Look up at the bird and stop staring at your worries." Søren Kierkegaard 

🌞🌿 What was your favorite little moment of happiness this week?