Five Minute Friday - Suffer

Some days, it feels like I'm drowning in suffering. Other times, I can handle it better. But nights are the worst. I try not to dwell on it too much, but often it overwhelms me, especially at night, when everything is quiet and I'm alone with my thoughts. I find it so hard to keep my mind from wandering!

The Heartache of Loss

Losing a child is incredibly hard. Witnessing my sister go through it, I realize the depth of devastation it brings. It's as though a piece of your heart is torn away, and life loses its familiar rhythm. 

But...

A Different Kind of Loss

But... what if the loss extends beyond just one individual? What if it means losing the embrace of the next generation? Yes, my daughter has chosen to cut ties with us, and it's a pain that cuts deep. I miss her, I miss my grandchildren, and this is a piece of suffering that I silently carry with me.

Finding Solace in God

Yet, even amidst the darkness, there's a glimmer of solace. Sometimes, when sleep evades me,I reach for the lamp on my bedside table – let there be light – and open my Bible. Psalm 27 speaks to me:

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

Embracing Divine Comfort

I continue reading until I reach the verse that says: 

"Though my father and my mother daughter abandoned me, the Lord gathers me up."

Tears flow freely as I absorb the words. Despite the immense loss, I find comfort in the assurance that God's love transcends human understanding. 

A Prayer for Guidance

After reading, I close my Bible, turn of the lamp, and whisper:

"Do not hide Your face from me; You have been my help. Do not abandon me nor forsake me, O God of my salvation! Teach me Your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path."

Joining in for Five Minute Friday today.

FMF - Daily Escape with Diamond Gems

I shake the container of diamond gems back and forth to make them settle nicely for picking up with my pink pen. It's so satisfying to hear that sound when I give the container a little shake. I'm sitting at the large table in my living room, and daylight streams in through the side window, illuminating my robin painting perfectly. 

My little moment of respite

This is my little respite moment, and I dive into it more often than I check my phone... About seven times a day! Is that so?

🤫  Well, let's just say my phone gets jealous sometimes!

Everyone in the house knows how I love it; so I received many gifts, under the motto: help Aritha get through the winter. 

Chocolate brown "gems"
Yesterday, it was the turn of the lime green gems. Today, it's time for the brown stones, reflecting the shade of that special dark chocolate covering the 'Bossche Bol'.* I pick up a gem from the container with my pen and place it where it belongs, nestled in the robin's wing. And another gem, and another... tap, tap, tap. 

😊 Meanwhile, I feel like I can breathe more freely and think in a more creative way.

Thank you LORD
If I had a lot of energy, maybe I wouldn't do this, and I'd just keep running. But look at me sitting at the big table. It's all good. I'm thankful to God for diamond painting and wish I had discovered it earlier.

💎😌 I love these little moments of respite!

Joining in for Five Minute Friday today. 

* Bossche Bol (delicious)

Spring where you least expect it

When you're there, you smell it right away. I was standing on a muddy path in the middle of the forest, sniffing the air like a bunny in the grass. Can you smell it too? Just step outside, now!

The scent of spring!
I could smell spring, and its fragrance subtly floated among the trees. Oh, how I love spring; the time when the world seems to come back to life, and the sun's rays awaken nature from its winter sleep.

🌷 It's almost, almost spring.

Birds in the forest
I spotted three great tits hopping from branch to branch. When I grabbed my camera, they chirped as if to say: "Sorry, ma'am, we're too busy building our nest, no time to pose!" And off they flew deeper into the woods. Meanwhile, on the other side of the path, a robin sang its vibrant song, marking its territory. It stayed put but gave me a disgruntled look.

Despite the gray day, the thought of spring approaching filled me with joy. You know: blossoms on trees, bees in flowers.

I wandered up the sandy path, and my footsteps echoed loudly on the loose stones in the rain track: with each step: crunch, crunch. Then I saw the tree... time for a break.

From my diary: February 15

I'm sitting on the Elsterkop, halfway up the slope, and I'm not alone. A bit further, someone is getting a mountain bike lesson. I also see a man sitting on a bench; is he old or young? I can't tell... too far away. Wow, a big bumblebee almost lands on my notebook... now it really feels like spring.

The athletes lively discuss mountain bike braking techniques. The man on the bench gets up and slowly walks down the path, hat in hand. I take a photo of him to capture the mood. I also take a photo of the tree trunk I'm leaning against. Far above my head, I see the words: God Loves You

I reflect on my many, many walks. I feel so blessed, just to be able to walk. Walking takes time, but moving gives me energy and creativity, should do it more often. It makes you a nicer person. A few more sips of coffee and I'll continue.

Sitting as low as I am now - on a tree stump - I see droplets on the twigs of the heather bush. I know when I stand up, they'll be gone. It all depends on how you look at things. From above or from below. I take out my phone and snap a photo of a droplet. Whether it turned out well, I'll see at home.

 

The droplet photo 👆 

Season of loss
From above or from below. It depends on how you view things. I describe the season I'm in as a season of loss... or a personal winter where everything continues while I seem to stand still.

Loss comes in many forms. Some losses catch us off guard and knock the wind out of us. Others follow long periods of suffering and waiting. Sometimes we face the death of a loved one, and other times we may lose our health, independence, home, or church. Loss can cause physical pain and plunge us into spiritual depression. - Gretchen Saffles

God surprised me
Yes, the pain is there, the confusion, the sadness, but also beautiful moments of prayer and surrender. I would never consciously choose this season, but it's precisely now that He helps me to deepen my roots in His Word and presence. In this season of loss, God surprises me with His gifts.

Spring where you least expect it
Standing with both feet in the mud of life and yet, I cherish the thought that spring can appear anywhere, especially where you least expect it, in the dark corners of your life.

😍 That makes me happy.

Kneeling for a photo
On my way back from my walk, I see a cluster of crocuses by the path. Even better: just then, the sun breaks through with spring warmth. I kneel down to take photos, not one, not two, but a whole bunch of pictures I want to have. So happy with this moment.

Dear Lord, grant our souls a spring,

Thou know’st our winter has been long;

Shine forth, and warm our hearts to sing,

And thy rich grace shall be our song.

🌷 Wat flowers did you see in your neighborhood?

💜 My crocus blog

Will the sun shine again?

And there I go again. I saw on the weather app that the sun was shining, so off to the woods! 

But I feel so awful, I initially protested, imagining what if I fall ill in the forest, lying there somewhere. Come on, you know it's not like that. #selftalk

As I walk into the woods, it starts to rain gently. Well, let it rain, let it be winter, because it is! I think of the book I bought last month: 'Wintering'. How many times I whispered, "Oh really, you too?"

I am a swirling wreck of uncertainty, my thoughts shoot off like branching paths in all directions, and I'm afraid my head is about to overflow. That lump of ideas remains stuck in my throat, refusing to come out so I can put them on paper. The only thing I can do is walk. I have nothing else. Katharine May

No perfect picture.
The only thing I can do is walk. I capture a random picture because I don't feel like getting down on my knees for the perfect shot.

... And then I spot a patch of blue sky calling out to me: "this way, this way!" 

• Mud? No problem, I trudge through it.
• Downpour? Also fine, let it pour.

Stay on your feet

In the woods, life doesn't ask much of me, just: "Watch where you're walking, lean on your stick, stay on your feet." And thus, I escape my overthinking.

Green and ugly brown
Along the way, I find a twig with a mix of lively green and ugly brown, and that's exactly how I feel. I hold my breath: please, don't let the brown dominate! I take 4 photos to capture this image - to think about later - and place the twig back on the fallen tree.

I strongly feel that I've let stress build up so much that it's been nibbling at me, and I should have asked for help sooner. But stress is also something shameful, an admission that I can't handle pressure. Secretly, I'm glad I'm struggling with physical pain. Rather than the vaguer feeling of being crushed. Katherine May

While raising children and writing books, time has flown by so quickly that I no longer have a clear picture of it. Not that the passing years are entirely blank, but they are muddled, strangely devoid of meaning, except for the clawing awareness of survival. Katherine May

Does that define who I am?
My piece of blue sky disappears, and it's now raining heavily. I catch drops in my hand and wash my cheeks with them... indirectly also my brain: is it really that bad if some of my plans fail, if I'm not achieving victories right now, if the book I so eagerly want to write only exists in my dreams?

Does that define who I am?

Neuh (nah)

Look at me now, I've worked so long and hard that I've made myself sick. And worst of all, I've almost forgotten how to rest. I constantly feel rushed. I'm convinced everything is important and that I'm falling short all the time. And my home - my beloved home - has become one big mess, where everything is slowly collapsing and breaking and worn out. I stand powerless against it. Katherine May

The sun!

Slogging down through the heath, and when I'm almost there, the rain stops. The brown heath glows like gold. Still, the sun! I see a nice spot to have coffee by the tree

👇 (see collage)

... and as I drink my coffee, I think about how nice it is to just "be" and softly pray, even if I don't find the most beautiful words today. It's just enough. And: the sun will definitely shine again

More than a name
Katherine May writes in her book 'Wintering': God has always been a name we whisper. I add to it for myself with a quote (once saved on my iPhone) 

In uncertain times, there is a reliable anchor: trust in the Name of the LORD. Why is His Name so reassuring? It is the "I AM," confirming His own existence. A strong foundation to lean on. People fail, but He, the "I AM," is always alive. Even when everything seems dark, He says: "I am here." His name promises immutability. He remains "the same yesterday, today, and forever" (Hebrews 13:8). Trust in this unchanging God, whose love, faithfulness, and strength are steadfast. It's a reassuring anchor, even when it's winter in your life. Source: Spurgeon and a bit of me

I pass on that Name through blogging: Immanuel!

 “We must learn to invite winter in. We may never choose to winter, but we can choose how.”

---- 

I walked in the area of  the Elsterberg or Elsterkop. It's a hill in the municipality of Rhenen in the Dutch province of Utrecht. The hill is located north of Elst and east of Amerongen, and is part of the Utrechtse Heuvelrug ridge. The hill is 62.5 meters high. On the south slope of the Elsterberg, there are several burial mounds. 🚶‍♂️🌳

Linked to: Paula's Sweet Tea & Friends Link Up

Can a Monthly One Word Define My Year?

As the new year approaches, the idea of selecting one guiding word for the entire year feels like a daunting task. How about a different approach? 

✨ What if I draw inspiration from Israëls God, revealed through the Messiah, and actively reflect on a different divine attribute each month?

Heavenward Reflections

Imagine this: January could be an exploration of "trouw" (loyalty), and February, a deep dive into "mededogen" (compassion). Instead of a prescriptive word, what if I simply gaze upward toward the God who extends His hand downward? Ja, ja, this concept resonates with me. Rather than adhering to a specific word, it's about looking upward to the God who graciously reaches down.

Faithful Gaze Upward
I'm thinking about this because reflecting on who He is, has been helping me through the darkness lately. His unwavering faithfulness, His love. It would be so good to focus on that throughout the year, considering a different quality each month. Do you find this idea strange? 

Maybe it suits me better; I'm quite "levendig" (lively) by nature and enjoy changing things up constantly.

This is My Rock

This is my Rock,

this is where I stand

this is where I find rest

in God’s almighty hand.

This is my Trust,

this is where I find

God’s peace and calm

for my heart and mind.

This is my Anchor,

this is what I hold on to

this is what I know to be

trustworthy and true.

This is my Hope,

this is where I go

this is my salvation

whenever storms blow.

This is my Rock,

this is where I wait

this is where I place

my eternal fate!

Deborah Ann